The H.A.L.T. Formula
An acronym that sometimes helps us to recognize dangerous or ‘slippery’ moments is H.A.L.T. When we have any or all of these feelings we are in danger of turning to our addiction as a way of coping. For many of us these feelings become triggers for our addictive behaviors.
Hurt or Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
The S.A.F.E. Formula
Many of us have practiced our addition so much we have forgotten – if we ever knew – what healthy sexuality is. Is this masturbation nurturing or is it addictive? Is this movie healthy for me to see or will it contribute to my addiction. We found the following guidelines to be helpful in answering this kind of question.
S – It is a secret? Anything that cannot pass public scrutiny will create the shame of a double life. For some of us “public” means our significant other, our sponsor, or our SAA group.
A – It is abusive to self or others? Anything that is exploitive or harmful to others or degrades oneself will activate the addictive system, or cycle.
F – It is used to avoid or is a source of painful feelings? If sexuality is used to alter moods or results in painful mood shifts, it is clearly part of the addictive process.
E – It is empty of a caring, committed relationship? Fundamental to the whole concept of addiction and recovery is the healthy dimension of human relationships.
The addict runs a great risk by being sexual outside of a committed relationship.
The advantage of the S.A.F.E. (Secret, Abusive, Feelings, Empty) formula is that it is built on the basic concepts of addiction and is in the spirit of the Twelve Steps. It requires a ruthless self-honesty given that the addict’s sanity is at stake.
Using the group or a sponsor as an on-going reality check can help keep the addict “safe”.
Distorted Thinking
In addition to unhealthy core beliefs, we told ourselves some pretty crazy things about life and our fellow human beings. Some of these thoughts or beliefs we learned from our past relationships with others, some we manufactured to quell the shame and guilt resulting from our behaviors.
This distorted thinking led us to even more insane behavior that took away our power as persons and made our lives unmanageable. Below is a tiny sample of our distorted thinking before we found this program.
“I am inhabited by demons”.
“I deserve the bad things that happen to me because I’m so screwed up”.
“My compulsive sexual behaviors don’t hurt anybody but me”.
“I can stop anytime I want to”.
“If it’s ok with them, it’s ok with me”.
“What my significant other doesn’t know won’t hurt them”.
“If my significant other looked or acted in a certain way, I wouldn’t need another partner”.
“I shouldn’t have to tell my significant other what I need and want; they should know”.
“No really means not now”.
“If a person is nice that means they’re interested”.
“Sex is the most important thing in everyone’s life”.
“Unhappiness in one area of one’s life means unhappiness in all areas”.
The good news is that as we work our program we find the courage to confront these beliefs with reality and have in essence changed our minds!
Recovery Acronyms
F.I.N.E. – (I’m) Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional
F.E.A.R. – Face Everything And Recover
N.U.T.S. – Not Using The Steps
E.G.O. – Edging God Out
D.E.N.I.A.L. – Don’t Even Know I Am Lying
H.A.L.T. – (Don’t get too) Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
H.O.P.E. – Happy Our Program Exists
H.O.W. – Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness
S.P.O.N.S.O.R. – Sober Person Offering Newcomers Suggestions On Recovery
G.O.D. – Good Orderly Direction
B.I.G. B.O.O.K. – Believing In God Beats Our Old Knowledge
S.L.I.P. – Sobriety Losing Its Priority
A.C.T.I.O.N. – Any Change To Improve Our Nature
P.R.O.G.R.A.M. – People Relying On God Relaying A Message
S.T.E.P.S – Solutions To Every Problem Sober
K.I.S.S. – Keep It Simple, Sweetheart