FAQ

Learn more about how someone identifies as a sex addict.

In Sex Addicts Anonymous we are a fellowship of men and women who share our experience, strength, and hope with each other for the purpose of finding freedom from addictive sexual behavior and helping others recover from sex addiction. Local meetings offer an accepting, non-threatening environment where we can share our common struggles and learn how to apply the principles of the Twelve Steps to our everyday lives.

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. There are no fees or dues.

We practice strict anonymity and confidentiality so that our meetings are a safe place for all of us. Who we meet or what is said in a meeting is considered as confidential.

Sex Addiction can involve a wide variety of practices. Sometimes an addict has trouble with just one unwanted behavior, sometimes with many.

A large number of sex addicts say their unhealthy use of sex has been a progressive process. It may have started with an addiction to masturbation, pornography (either printed or electronic), or a relationship, but over the years progressed to increasingly dangerous behaviors. We suggest you answer the 12 questions of the self assessment further down on this page to evaluate yourself.

“Our goal when entering the SAA Fellowship and working the 12 Step program is abstinence from one or more specific sexual behaviors.”

“Unlike programs for recovering alcoholics, drug addicts or other S-fellowships, Sex Addicts Anonymous does not have a universal definition of abstinence. Most of us have no desire to stop being sexual altogether. It is not sex in and of itself that causes us problems, but the addiction to certain sexual behaviors. In SAA we will be better able to determine what behavior is addictive and what is healthy. However, the fellowship does not dictate to its members what is and isn’t addictive sexual behavior. Instead we have found that it is necessary for each member to define his or her own abstinence usually with the help of a sponsor.” © ISO of SAA, Inc.

“It is anonymity, the spirit of selfless service, that reminds us as a fellowship to always base our actions and deliberations on spiritual principles, putting aside any personal considerations in favor of a higher good — carrying the message of recovery to [other] sex addicts.”

— Sex Addicts Anonymous, p. 96

Tradition Twelve states. “Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.”

Within the context of SAA, anonymity has significance on multiple levels. On one level, we practice anonymity by using only our first names in introducing ourselves and addressing others in meetings.

Our personal identity and occupation is of no concern to group members. Likewise, who we meet and what is said in meetings is not discussed with non-group members. This level of confidentiality is essential for our meetings to be a safe place for all who attend.

On a second level, we yield our personal identity to the group or the fellowship as a whole. Our concern is for the unity and welfare of the fellowship over any personal considerations.

On yet another level, we remain anonymous with respect to the public media. Tradition Eleven requires “…personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and film.” This tradition protects us individually on one hand from the temptation of celebrity and corporately on the other hand from public criticism and controversy, as also emphasized by Tradition Ten.

And finally on an even deeper level, anonymity carries the idea of giving up the self-centered nature of our addiction. As we turn our will over to the care of God as we understand God, we can reach out in concern and love to other sex addicts unfettered by personal issues or quirks of personality.

This does not mean losing a healthy sense of self, but it is anonymity, the spirit of selfless service, that reminds us as a fellowship to always base our actions and deliberations on spiritual principles, putting aside any personal considerations in favor of a higher good — carrying the message of recovery to other sex addicts.

Here are a few comments from other sex addicts about their reasons for coming to SAA:

“I kept waking up at night in cold sweats, feeling anxious worrying if I had a sexually transmitted disease and if I was going to give it to my wife. I couldn’t stand the fear, loneliness, and the feelings of total helplessness”.

“One religious conversion after another, therapy, a thousand broken promises to myself, God, and others that I’d never do it again convinced me I needed something different”.

“I just couldn’t take the overwhelming shame and guilt, I had to find another way.”

“I didn’t want to live this way anymore. It was killing me and I didn’t want to die.”

A sponsor is a sober member of the fellowship who can show others how they worked the 12 Steps to get well. A sponsor is someone that has worked the 12 Steps, with a sponsor themselves, and has the time and willingness to work with other sex addicts so they might receive the benefits of a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps. Think of a sponsor as a guide/mentor through the 12 Step program of recovery.

Recovery begins when we find the courage to admit that we have a problem and seek help.

We begin working the 12 Steps right away with a sponsor.

We begin to feel safe and draw strength from the fellow members in the group. We become aware of the extent of our addiction.

We learn to accept the truth about our sex addiction, how to help others, and how to live life on life’s terms.

Learning these things is a process and takes time. We didn’t get here over night.

As we work the steps, we gain a more spiritual and realistic perception of what life is about.

The “promises” described below happen as a result of the Steps we take. If we’ve been thorough with our step work we can expect the promises to be true in our life.

Our sponsors will show us what to do. Some work steps quickly in a matter of weeks while some will take a few months.

The good news is, “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.” from Chapter 5 “How it Works” in the book Alcoholics Anonymous page 58.

1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through it.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain a genuine interest in other people.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations, which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

Our hope is that you will find the fellowship you have always craved when you come to an SAA meeting.  A member may greet you as you come in and ask if you are new to the group. They will probably ask your name and introduce themselves. They might introduce you to some of the other members before the meeting starts. They’ll encourage you to find a seat.

If there isn’t any time for introductions like this you’ll probably be asked to simply introduce yourself to the group using only your first name. There is no need at this point to identify yourself as a sex addict if you aren’t sure. There is usually a series of readings the group will go through that takes a few minutes. The facilitator of the meeting may then explain to you how that meeting will introduce you to the SAA 12 Step recovery program.

Your first meeting will likely be an opportunity for you to listen to others’ stories, learn how the program works for them, and ask questions or share as much or as little as you’re comfortable doing.

You WON’T be required to do anything — you never will be. In SAA  your participation is voluntary. Your recovery is your own and we’re here to help you.

Every meeting is slightly different. We are blessed in Central Florida to have a variety of meetings to choose from. We suggest visiting several groups to see where you feel most comfortable.

Yes, all our meetings are free of charge. The suggested donation is $2 to cover room rent, literature, etc. That being said it is more important for us to have you in the room than your money so even if you can’t give please attend.

You can attend as many meetings as you wish.

Yes, you may show up to the meeting at the scheduled time, we don’t make appointments.

Spouses and friends can attend only the “open” meetings. Central Florida has several to choose from.  Only those who know that they are sex addicts or believe they might be can attend meetings described as “closed” meetings.

No. Who you see at the meeting and what you hear at the meeting should stay in the meeting.

We’ve heard that the steps are here to save us as individuals and the traditions are here to save the group. The steps are what we as individuals do to get well. The traditions are the things the groups honor to stay healthy and effective as a fellowship. Once you have worked all 12 Steps with a sponsor we suggest you review the 12 Traditions with your sponsor to ensure the continued effectiveness of our 12 Step and 12 Tradition Fellowship. For further study of the Traditions we suggest the Traditions portion of the book “The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions” published in 1953 but still meaningful today.

We rent the space from churches to be able to conduct our meetings. We are a spiritual program and each member’s religion or lack of if it is not something we look to change.

It is NOT sex therapy, group therapy or treatment of any kind. There is no professional class of treatment in an SAA meeting.

It is not a self help program. SAA is a spiritual program of action designed to get the individual members connected to a power greater than themselves that will solve their problems.

No.  A meeting of SAA is a great equalizer. Regardless of what you do on the outside of a meeting to pay the bills you are just another member of the group when you walk into the meeting. No one makes money in SAA trying to help another sex addict. We do this for free and for fun!

If you prefer to only listen you are welcome to do so, we do our utmost to make the meeting a safe place. We only use our first names and stress at the end of each meeting that everything that is said should remain confidential. Another nugget that we have found helpful to keep the meetings safe and effective for all is to bring your problems to your sponsor and the solution to the meeting.

Anonymity, as a spiritual principle, speaks primarily of humility—not secrecy. Although as stated in Tradition Eleven, “…we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV and films [and new technologies],”  the main purpose of anonymity is to protect the fellowship—to prevent any one member from taking credit for results that should be correctly attributed to the recovery program and more specifically to our Higher Power. In this manner, we always seek to place principles before personalities.

The opinions expressed in meetings are strictly those of the person who gave them. What we hear is spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Confidentiality is a legal principle.

Information or conversations are considered confidential in order to safeguard the personal information of an individual. However, confidentiality limits are defined by law rather than the SAA Traditions. Whom we meet and what we hear in a SAA meeting should not be shared outside the group; however, the legal requirement to reveal the criminal activity of another may override the limits of confidentiality.

For example, mandatory reporting of disclosures of ongoing criminal activity may be required by law in some jurisdictions and may or may not be appropriate under other circumstances as a matter of personal conscience or conviction, which may incur legal consequences.

We wish for our meetings to be a safe environment for open, honest and healthy recovery, but we cannot afford to be construed to be an organization that hides or condones illegal activity.

Although SAA doesn’t keep formal stats on recovery rates those that have experienced recovery via the 12 Steps will often share this statement. “Rarely have we seen a person fail who thoroughly follows our path.” The path that we follow and the solution we have found is the program of SAA. Freedom from addictive sexual behavior can be found by taking all 12 Steps with a sponsor.